I have walked with the Lord since I was a child. As I have gotten older have I realized what a gift I was given. I have only ever wanted God to be proud of me. I have lived through diagnosis of and near death experience from an auto immune disease, waiting until my late twenties to enjoy my gift of marriage and children, serving in God's army through working alongside my husband in ministry to churches and children in foster care.
Although this desire is a gift, sometimes it can be a heavy load to bear!
I get upset with people who carry God's name and yet wound others deeply through their inconsistent actions, words and expectations.
My entire life I have walked and am still walking through being affected by these kinds of people and the hurt I see them causing myself and others.
They refuse to let people speak truth into their lives regarding their actions yet stand in harsh judgement of everyone and everything around them. All while believing they are representing God well!
It literally makes me physically ill! I have been given the gift of empathy.
When I experience the hurt the choices these types of people have caused me and hear how it damages and drives others away... it is too much! I have cried out to my Father begging for justice and change! Yet...many months and sometimes years later I am reminded His time is not my time; His ways are not my ways.
Three nights ago...God in His goodness met me in my time of need through a dream. In my dream I saw a beautiful, large wooden box. Shiny and covered in golden embellishments, I was overwhelmed by the workmanship the carpenter put into this beautiful work of art. As I studied it though...I realized there were no hinges because there was no lid. The only opening I could see was a slot on the front of this box.
In that moment I felt the Holy Spirit speak to my heart. He asked me to take what was hurting my heart so much and wrap it up, tie a bow around it and slide it through the slot into the box. I did. I was so overwhelmed by the presence of the One who loves me that I put each feeling I felt, thought I was thinking and word I wanted to say in my package. I wrapped it, tied it up and sent it through the slot into my God box.
The next morning...I awoke with a smile and a heart lighter than it has been in a very long time! Why? Because through my dream God allowed me to glimpse His deep and vast love for me. He created me with my desire for justice and a passion for living life as a credible messenger! He made me to be passionate about living for Him with every fiber of my being and encouraging others to do the same! And in those reminders... He asked me to wrap them in a box; not shrug them off my shoulders and dump them. He reminded me that He is good and just and needs me to love on those He sends me, not carry a load He can easily handle because he is God and I am not.
What an even greater gift I have now been given. I can take each load to big and heavy for me...pray over it, think, cry and feel, wrap it up neatly and then carefully slide it into my 'God box'. Trusting and knowing all will be well in His time.
