In His Time All Will Be Well!

I have walked with the Lord since I was a child.  As I have gotten older have I realized what a gift I was given. I have only ever wanted God to be proud of me.  I have lived through diagnosis of and near death experience from an auto immune disease, waiting until my late twenties to enjoy my gift of marriage and children, serving in God's army through working alongside my husband in ministry to churches and children in foster care.

Although this desire is a gift, sometimes it can be a heavy load to bear!

I get upset with people who carry God's name and yet wound others deeply through their inconsistent actions, words and expectations.

My entire life I have walked and am still walking through being affected by these kinds of people and the hurt I see them causing myself and others.

They refuse to let people speak truth into their lives regarding their actions yet stand in harsh judgement of everyone and everything around them.  All while believing they are representing God well!

It literally makes me physically ill!  I have been given the gift of empathy.

When I experience the hurt the choices these types of people have caused me and hear how it damages and drives others away... it is too much!  I have cried out to my Father begging for justice and change!  Yet...many months and sometimes years later I am reminded His time is not my time; His ways are not my ways.

Three nights ago...God in His goodness met me in my time of need through a dream.  In my dream I saw a beautiful, large wooden box.  Shiny and covered in golden embellishments, I was overwhelmed by the workmanship the carpenter put into this beautiful work of art.  As I studied it though...I realized there were no hinges because there was no lid.  The only opening I could see was a slot on the front of this box.

In that moment I felt the Holy Spirit speak to my heart.  He asked me to take what was hurting my heart so much and wrap it up, tie a bow around it and slide it through the slot into the box.  I did.  I was so overwhelmed by the presence of the One who loves me that I put each feeling I felt, thought I was thinking and word I wanted to say in my package.  I wrapped it, tied it up and sent it through the slot into my God box.

The next morning...I awoke with a smile and a heart lighter than it has been in a very long time!  Why?  Because through my dream God allowed me to glimpse His deep and vast love for me.  He created me with my desire for justice and a passion for living life as a credible messenger!  He made me to be passionate about living for Him with every fiber of my being and encouraging others to do the same!  And in those reminders... He asked me to wrap them in a box; not shrug them off my shoulders and dump them.  He reminded me that He is good and just and needs me to love on those He sends me, not carry a load He can easily handle because he is God and I am not.

What an even greater gift I have now been given.  I can take each load to big and heavy for me...pray over it, think, cry and feel, wrap it up neatly and then carefully slide it into my 'God box'.  Trusting and knowing all will be well in His time.

Finally fulfilling the missions...Joshua and the second generation

In my quiet time this week I finished up a long journey through Genesis to Deuteronomy.  The transition from Moses to Joshua complete the mission God had for the children of Israel began in earnest and happened quickly. 

As I read today, I was overwhelmed with the realization that God's purpose and plan never changes.  But... our choices (which He allows us to make) delay what He has for us if made wrongly or set into motion miraculous things when we focus and purpose to chose His best for us.

There was a season of waiting for those children of the Israelites who left Egypt. While they did not make the wrong choices of disobeying God, they were part of the consequences experienced by those who did.  It would seem like a punishment from God to those who don't understand God and His perfect plans.

Joshua was part of the original group yet, in the face of choosing to disobey, he was one who obeyed God in all he said and did.  He was gifted with the mantle of leadership.  A man that those children grew up watching as an example of what God wants and how God blesses when He is obeyed.

I am in a similar situation...  As I have lived with the consequences of others choices, my entire life my focus has been "Who does God want me to be?" and "What does God want me to do?".  No matter my circumstances I have tried to keep that focus. 

It has been a struggle, but as I have allowed the chains of generational bonds of fear to be broken in my life, for perhaps the first time, I am truly living in victory over that fear!  It that has been part of my heart as long as I can remember.  I am learning to lift up those fears and walk in the victory of God blessing those obedient to Him. 

My prayer for today is that I will sit at the feet of my savior with a heart that trusts God is not standing over me waiting for me to "Mess Up" so He can DISCIPLINE me back to being in His will.  I want my heart to be overwhelmed with the LOVE, GRACE and FORGIVENESS my Father offers me.  He COMPELS me to remember that I am LEARNING to live as He wants...A member of the second generation fully embracing His will and purpose for me and living in the blessing that comes from being obedient to His call.  Whatever it looks like!

The Lord of The Little Things

Over the last month I have experienced a tiredness that reached my soul in a way I have never experienced before.   The  spiritual battles,  emotions and physical demands of our job took a toll on all of us... but for me... I was rocked to my core.

I watched God,  each day,  give grace,  wisdom and strength... Amazed and humbled at the mercy He displayed.

Some intensive training into the depths of the model we use in helping the kids God sends us,  helped me find the balance so desperately needed to be in this ministry long term.

My big take away... Make sure I do something for me... Not serving or taking care of anyone... Just doing something I love.   My polymer clay is that for me.   Because my Lord knows I put myself last... Three days before coming back on shift He sent me a random sale from a stranger...for a piece I had to make.

I love how our Lord is the Lord of little things... The small details we overlook... HE KNOWS.

A New Journey...

As I write this I sit in the living room of  Little Cottage in Thomasville, NC.  Our first day of training with the Baptist Children's Home of North Carolina halfway done.  My babies are sleeping, Josh is out shopping with some new friends and fellow house parents while I have a rare moment of quiet to share the events of the last few weeks, months...really the past few years.

I will try my best not to draw it out as long for you as it has been for us...you might not come back to read more!

For new readers sake I will give a little history...for friends and family this will be a reminder of where God has led us over the past few years to bring us to this moment of fulfilling the call on our lives.

I firmly believe that from the day we are born, we begin the journey God has planned for our life.  Each lesson, mistake, victory, challenge overcome, joy experienced, blessing received, and dream fulfilled are all a part of the tapestry He creates with each day we live.  

For Josh, the path began very differently than mine.  I will ask him to share his full story at a later time, but to sum it up, although he accepted Christ as a child and heard God calling his heart, he followed a path of destruction and trouble.

How thankful I am for a merciful, forgiving God who gives us as many chances as we need to follow Him!  I am thankful Josh listened to that still, small voice calling him from his former life into a life of service to HIM!  

Through teaching math, FCA and full time youth ministry Josh has served faithfully no matter how hard the task before him.  I have truly never met another living soul (except my own dad!) who is as loyal and dedicated as my husband.  Times when I wanted him to give up...he just kept on.

While my journey did not include alcohol and bad choices it was far from easy.  I grew up as the second oldest of nine children, homeschooled from beginning to end and living with Type 1 diabetes from the age of 12 ( Pardon me if I don't confess how many years ago that diagnosis was...😆) many of the circumstances I found myself in required a life of dedication to God and trusting that there was a plan beyond what I could see...beyond the circumstances of every day life.

Josh and I met in 2001 through mutal friends.  I don't remember meeting him...my only proof that is when we met is a picture taken that night!  He remembers meeting me quite well..."Boy, do I feel sorry for whomever marries her...she is so full of herself!" The memorable thoughts my HUSBAND had about meeting me for the first time, the lucky guy!

Our friendship developed over the next 7 years, then over the span of six months,  we began courting (a story for another day),  were engaged and married on June 14, 2008!

In 2010, Josh was ordained as a minister and we accepted a full time Youth Pastor postion in Farmington, NM where we lived and served for four years.  During that time, Josh and I grew and were stretched beyond what we could ever have imagined.  

We dealt with the accidental burning of one of our boys, who survived and recovered then passed away suddenly a year later.  The suicide of a precious girl who was handed more than anyone should ever have to experience in life.

During this time we had the privilege of preaching a funeral on Apache Tribal Burial grounds.   We became parents to Katie Carolina,  June 21,  2011 born in Durango,  CO and Elisha James October 26, 2013 in Farmington,  NM.

We had some amazing adventures including getting to see the Grand Canyon,  the Mesa Verde,  Black Canyon of the Gunnison, Silverton and Ouray Colorado and the great sights in and around the Four Corners area... 

All that mixed with the joy of working with and serving some wonderful people we came to love as family!

As God moved us from New Mexico,  we sought a season of rest.   Josh went back to the classroom teaching math at an amazing early college in Murphy,  NC then later in public school at Ashland, MS closer to home. 

I'm not sure how much rest we actually got but we did spend a lot of time in prayer about the direction God would have us go.   Josh was able to enroll in Seminary to begin working toward his Masters degree full time and I joined the workforce again in Janitorial work in the great town of Oxford,  MS!

As we continued to seek the Lord,  we felt the door to full time church ministry closing.   Unable to ignore that we did indeed have a call to serve in ministry full time we continued to seek what that looked like for our family.

That's when we revisited an idea we had discussed years ago and at that time had pursued and found a dead end.   As we were doing a ministry job search,  a listing for our current position here in Thomasville was posted,  and after much prayer over the next weeks and months we applied for,  interviewed and accepted the job we were offered and moved!

I look forward to sharing this journey with you and ask that you keep us in your prayers as our family walks this road.

Karen

Heartbroken...Is it Hopeless?

What a week this has been for our country!  Normally I stay far away from political topics in a social setting.  What can I say?  It stems from years in the cosmetology industry where you meet people from all walks of life with all kinds of different views on each subject!

I don't want to address the ISSUE that was so victoriously celebrated this week...but rather take a look at what brought us to this point.

The paths I have traveled thus far in my life have been many. I have seen many different things, met different people with different views and personalities and had my beliefs challenged to their core.  I am thankful that my faith has grown stronger even as it has been tested.

The common thread I see through all the issues regarding sin (oohh...did I really say the "S" word) and the choices we make each day is that of pleasing and doing what is best for ME and makes ME happy.  While this sounds like the ideal way to live your life (I mean really, who can you really completely depend on but yourself?) I would suggest this idea is at the core of the falling apart of our families and our country.

There are many people more knowledgeable than I and better able to explain the reasoning behind this thought...but let me say this: If each of us were to truly put ourselves and our own desires aside we would have a vastly different world to live in.

Selfishness is at the root of every sin, every crime, every type of abuse, every type of wrong in the world.  And how many innocent people are hurt by our selfishness each day?  And they in turn, more often than not turn to something that validates themselves and eases the pain wrought by being a victim of someone's selfish acts toward them. I am heartbroken when I think of how many times I respond to my own husband or children motivated by selfishness.  When I don't want to so something I was asked to do, or play with the kids, do something with them or take them somewhere simply because I am tired or busy or...you get my drift.

It's the same with drinking, participating in any type of alternative lifestyle (I am NOT just speaking about homosexuality! Adultery, Promiscuity, Divorce, Affairs, Porn.  All of these are contrary to how God intends for HIS CHILDREN to live!) the pursuit of money and stuff above investing their families (you think I am joking?  I just heard a friend tell me that her husband's company CEO thanked the employees for sacrificing their families to grow the company!), the list goes on and on.

 Again...I am not talking about those in the lost world, those who don't know Christ and His life giving message of the Gospel.  These are things THEY do with no reason to do or be anything different.

Unless we (we as in those who claim to follow our Lord) are willing to give up our selfishness and stop living in a life of JUSTIFIED SIN we cannot expect anyone to desire to live and believe as we do.  (Of course I know the scriptures about drinking...I know if I wanted to I could choose to drink and it not be counted as a sin against me...but my question is...why would I choose this?)  What possible benefit could these activities have?  I have seen more brokenness, hurt, hopelessness, mental abuse (of which I myself have been a victim!) suicide and countless other things!  Simply because people choose satisfying themselves.

Those from outside our faith are exactly right when they say we need to take care of our own sin before we try address theirs.  We need to be credible messengers! As God's children we have been lax about letting sin creep in our door.  And because of our pride in putting on a facade that we think people want to see and expect us to be, we have really damaged God's reputation.  And He Died For Us! We need to build strong families who love with God's love.  Each sinner that He met, he challenged to leave their life of sin and embrace a life wholeheartedly devoted to serving Him and sharing his message with others.  Many went away sad because they knew they were not willing to do this...(i.e. the story of the Rich Young Ruler) and then there were those whose lives were changed because they gave up everything to follow Him.

I have often told my husband that as we raise our children I want to compel them to choose our life devoted to Christ.  To show them a family where we talk about and explain things as they happen.  Where we provide answers and are honest about our pasts, mistakes we have made, struggles we have, and choices we make. Where we open our doors to whomever God sends to us, we love them, we challenge them and watch them seek God! If we are not living it before them, only demanding it of them (I HATE thou shalt and shalt not's!), how can we expect them to follow the path God desires for their life?

Whew!  This has turned into quite the book.  These words are hard to read even as they were hard to write.  I guess I put them down as a big reminder to myself to make sure I am humble.  Letting those in my life speak truth and challenge me, that I am a better wife and mother, not because I am perfect or have "arrived" to some great place, but rather because I recognize in and of myself I have not power to be anything.  It is only as I seek my Father and pattern my life after his that I become a useful tool and credible messenger.

Oh Father...that we would show true love and take care of our own lives and hearts.  That we would surrender and turn from our sin in a heart of repentance!  May we humble ourselves before you and seek you... Then we could truly change the world.  Is it hopeless? Because of HIM...it is NOT!

It is very late....but is it too late?

It is late.   I really should be asleep.  At almost 12:30 in the morning my not so little baby is finally asleep.... again.   And the almost 4 year old is asleep after putting get to bed for the fifth time.   Do you ever feel as though you are just late? ??? Behind??? Overwhelmed???  Seems to be the state of my life these days!
I have so many grand plans and ways to improve my schedule,  or lack thereof :).  Yet I always seem to be in this place of putting out fires.

After finally having a quiet moment, way overdue,  I was reminded that I get way to emotional about things that really have no eternal consequences!  

When your family notices you are upset very easily... picture the almost 4 year old saying " relax mom"... it's time to take stock and reevaluate!   As always, when I let my Father speak and actually take time to listen my heart is soothed.   He reminded me my life is about living my faith before my children and those He sends my way each day.   When I forget to focus on that. .. everyone suffers.

Father,  help me remember my life is about sharing how You lived and are still living today. Letting my life reflect Your life.  When I focus on that....I know I will never be to late!

Am I really a LAZY person?

I wouldn't call myself lazy.  How can you be lazy as a wife, mom of a three year old and almost eleven month old, home business owner and the million other titles we acquire through this journey called life????

But its true.  I am lazy.  Let me explain....

I sat down for my quiet time this morning and opened a devotional book I keep next to my bible by author John Piper.  The title being "O Taste and See That The Lord Is Good", I must admit that I was not prepared for the harsh truth of the words I was about to read.

Today's text was a reflection on the verse from Proverbs 22:13, "The sluggard says, "There is a lion outside!  I shall be slain in the streets!"  No worries there, I thought as I began,  I am for sure not a sluggard!

Wait for it though...little did I know what he was about to explain!

Mr. Piper goes on to describe how there really was no lion outside.  "...the sluggard creates imaginary circumstances to justify not doing his work and thus shifts the focus from the vice of his laziness to the danger of lions.  No one will approve his staying in the house all day just because he is lazy.  But they might sympathize with him and approve of his staying home if there were real danger outside.  So, to hide his laziness and justify himself, he deflects attention away from the truth (laziness) to an illusion (lions)."

Oh durn.  My Father knew I woke up in a bad mood.  I was mad because my babies simply must sleep on TOP of my head.  No matter how many times I put Katie in her bed...she always finds her way back on top of me.  And Elisha will die (so he thinks anyway) if he wakes up to find himself in HIS bead instead of laying with mommy...Add to this a husband with severe sleep issues and I have always just allowed them to sleep on me for the sake of quiet in the house and daddy to sleep...or have I?

Today...I woke up mad about it all.  But whose fault really is it? My precious babies who are creatures of habit...habits I have allowed them to create?  I think not. I can't tell you how many stories I have told about why my children don't sleep in their own beds..."They were both born early, at 36 weeks, so they had to sleep close so we could listen for breathing issues"  Ha.  Reality is, I was just to tired...aka "lazy" to get them on a better sleep routine!  

And how many times, in so many other areas of my life have I deflected the truth of my own responsibility and made some real or imaginary circumstance much more important....don't even ask my husband about that!

Thankfully, Mr Piper did not leave me hanging there faced with this unpleasant reality, this TRUTH about myself.  Here is how he closed the thought on this subject:

"...Romans 6:17, "But thanks be to God that though you were slaves of sin, you became obedient from the heart to that form of teaching to which you were committed."  Obedience came from the heart.  Thanks be to God.  And if thanks be to God, then let prayers be to God.  He is our only hope-to escape our own delusions..."

Father, please help me to put away my laziness!  May I be a lover of truth, no matter how hard it is to accept about myself and what I must do to change.  May my life be one that honors you in every thought, deed and action so I don't lead anyone away from You!